DO YOUR WOUNDS STRENGTHEN YOU? – JILL RAIGUEL, MFT

A colleague and I were having lunch and she shared with me that someone had said, “Your wounds can crush you, or define you, or strengthen you.” I choose to be strengthened by my accidents, illnesses, and wounds. I may have felt victimized when they first happened, but I have tried to grow beyond them and find a way to be strengthened.

I was talking to folks at my recent book signing (See photo) at Barnes and Noble, and many revealed to me that they were survivors of alcohol-related issues and/or abuse. If you are a survivor you may have felt crushed by your past. But I assert that you can grow beyond your past and stand stronger.

My book, Alternative Healing Beyond Recovery, can help you do that. It can point to issues you might not have considered. The Raiguel Life Skills Inventory can shine a light on areas you had forgotten or not recognized. The book tells many survivors’ stories that show the reader that you can recover and stand strong after abuse.

I choose to grow beyond my wounds, and be strengthened by them. You can too.

Jill Raiguel, MFT, is the author of Alternative Healing Beyond Recovery for the Genius, a psychotherapist and shamanic practitioner. jillraiguel@gmail.com

WHAT WATERS YOUR SOUL? BY JILL RAIGUEL, MFT

Jill Raiguel is the author of Alternative Healing Beyond Recovery for the Genius. for more about Jill visit http://www.jillibean.com

WHAT WATERS YOUR SOUL?

What waters your soul? Isn’t that the most wonderfully poetic phrase! Recently, a friend was thanking me for coaching her through a tough time; and she said, “You have watered my soul.” WOW! Her words moved and nurtured me. But, the phrase has stayed with me for weeks.

What waters your soul? Take a few moments to reflect on things, people, places, events, activities that do just that. Talking to friends, I have a short list from their lives: Riding a horse; looking at my husband’s face; my four-year-old shouting, “Mom, I love you!”

Where have you been? What sites have you seen that water your soul? Seeing the ocean; standing with my back against a giant redwood and feeling its power; gazing at the red canyons in Zion National Park. For me, simple things water my soul. I’m filled with joy and a quiet excitement when my pink spider lilies bloom even though they only last a day; when I hear a birds chirping outside my window; when a see a whale and her baby spouting off shore.

Because I tend to rush and focus on goals and getting things done, the opportunity is to take the extra moment to let myself drink in those extraordinary gifts. To enjoy, to celebrate, to savor, yes, to drink in, those magical moments and gifts that life gives us. To let my soul be watered. What waters your soul?

SAVORING LIFE – Jill Raiguel, MFT

I don’t know about you, but I rush and run around without really looking and feeling my day… and, as Dr. Christine Northrup says, savoring life. Her new book, Goddesses Never Age, is brilliant pointing out that we need to savor life and pleasure ourselves. Glory be it not only feels good but has remarkable health benefits. It makes our cells happy.

Yes, we need to examine and sometimes even de-sensitize painful events from the past, but we can get stuck in over-focusing on the negative stuff and forgetting in enjoy ourselves. its a matter of balance which is an on-going issue for me. So, I made a list of all the things that give me joy and pleasure. I was surprised to see that most if not all of them are very simple, daily things….. enjoying my purple and orange pansies, listening to the wind in the trees, enjoying the birds, talking to a friend, singing with my choir. What I need to practice is focusing on those things, not rushing through my day without savoring. All those things that give me joy are
right in front of me. Its just a matter of shifting my focus. Thank you, Dr. Northrup.

Jill Raiguel, MFT, psychotherapist at Kohut Psychiatric Medical Group, and soul retrieval practitioner. Visit http://www.jillibean.com or jillraiguel@gmail.com

HEALTHY SELFISHNESS – JILL RAIGUEL, MFT

“Healthy Selfishness” is a term my colleague Marta Boyett coined – I can’t take the credit, but is so fits those of us who are recovering overhelpers and need to refocus on ourselves and what we need. I learned to “help til it hurts” from my mother. She and my dad were very generous, and that I admire. I try to emulate them in my life. Mom gave away her winter coat to someone who needed it more than she did; they paid another person’s college tuition. Mom often brought food to a family or friends who had a sickness or death. But, she gave when she didn’t have enough for herself; she gave to be liked. And that lead to people using her. I learned that co-dependent habit from her.

So, when I began to recognize that pattern in myself, I had to learn to get selfish, or as Marta said, “healthy selfishness.” I had to learn to set limits with my time, my money, my phone calls. Because I didn’t know what healthy balance was, I had to discover it for me, and it felt selfish at first. I had to practice saying: I can help, but for a few hours, not until midnight. Or, I can listen and I have ten minutes. Or, I can give $20 not $100.

What I discovered was surprising. Phone callers get to the point in those 10 minutes; Friends are fine about my volunteering for a few hours; they appreciated my $20. When I was respecting my self, people respected me. I no longer feel selfish about taking care of myself. I know its a necessity; I can’t be there for anyone else if I’m not balanced and nourished. “Healthy selfishness” is a good thing. If this concept fits for you let me know.

Jill Raiguel, MFT, is a psychotherapist at Kohut Psychiatric Medical Group in San Bernardino, Ca. and has a private practice in shamanism and soul retrieval. She is the author of Alternative Healing Beyond Recovery for the Genius. Visit http://www.jillbean.com or jillraiguel@gmail.com.

NFL AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE PREVENTION – JILL RAIGUEL MFT

I am delighted to see that the NFL and certain key players are creating a campaign to end domestic violence, but what is the source of that violence and how are they going to prevent it from happening. These players who are beating their wives and girlfriends need individualized treatment and that includes brain scans for possible brain damage, blood work for imbalances, and psychotherapy that could include using my new book, Alternative healing Beyond Recovery that came out Feb. 5, 2015.

MY NEW BOOK IS ALMOST HERE – JILL RAIGUEL, MFT

I lived to drive; turning sixteen meant freedom. I could get my driver’s license. I was beyond thrilled. I got my license in the morning, and mom said, “Pick up your sister and get some milk at the store.” I didn’t care what the errand was; if I could drive there, I’d do it.

We bought a 1958 VW bug….horrible green, but it was mine. I was independent; I had wheels. I lived in that excitement for months.

Now — fifty years later — my new book is almost here. It is coming out February 9, 2015, and I find myself after many delays equally excited. hat same sense of joy is quietly building in the pit of my stomach. I can’t wait to see the cover; to hold it in my hands; to leaf through the pages; to see it on the bookstore shelf. The publication date is set. You’ll find it at amazon.com.

TREASURE MAPPING FOR THE NEW YEAR – Jill Raiguel, MFT

wow! It’s January, 2015, the time when many of us write New Year’s Resolutions. So, it’s the perfect time to write about setting goals, a chapter from my book, and treasure mapping, a fun and visual way to set your goals and dreams on paper.

When my sister and I were little girls, mom would say, “We’re going to take a road trip this summer. Let’s get out the maps.” We’d plan our route: how long each day would take, how we’d pack the car, snacks we’d take, songs we’d sing. She even had each of us clean out a dresser drawer — the trip drawer. For weeks, she’d buy items for the trip–they went in the trip drawer. Things like a new tooth brush, new tennis shoes.

Looking back, I appreciate that she was teaching us far more than panning a vacation. She was teaching us toe fun of setting a goal, making a plan, anticipating the journey and taking steps to make it reality. She built in the joy of planning our vacation. As an adult, my sister plans huge events and manages sophisticated accounts professionally; I write book, teach and plan courses and workshops. We’re both invigorated and get great satisfaction from planning and actualizing goals.

But let’s talk about one fun particularly planning tool, treasure mapping. By treasure mapping or vision boarding, I mean making a visual collage of your goals and dreams. You could make a vision board of your future job, or the relationship you want. I made one of the new home I wanted; and I have everything I put on the board. Use a file folder, or opened paper bag or piece of tag board. Find magazine pictures that represent your goals. Cut them out and paste them onto your board. Take your time assembling the collage.

Put the collage where you can see it daily, so those images get into your brain. Barbara Laporte’s book, Goal Achievement Through Treasure Mapping, gives you more details. Once you’ve reviewed your collage, see if you want to change anything. Many folks I now who’ve done this proves have found they get what they put on the collage, so be careful what you ask for. And, have FUN!!

Jill Raiguel, MFT, is a psychotherapist at Kohut Psychiatric medical Group in San Bernardino, Ca., and she have a private practice using her shamanic tools. Her new book Alternative Healing Beyond Recovery will be published the end of this month, January, 2015.

THE GUESS-A-PRESENT GAME FOR XMAS EVE By Jill Raiguel, MFT

GUESS-A-PRSENT

What n the world is a GUESS-A-PRESENT? It’s a world, wacky, silly, highly unusual object that we play 20 questions with after Xmas eve dinner. I hunt all year for this item that I wrap up for a fun game after Xmas eve dinner. Then my family and guests pass it around the table, and each person gets one yes or no question to guess its contents. Here’s how the tradition started. And, if you love to laugh and have fun, here’s how to play.

When I was 19, I worked as a secretary at the UNICEF office in New York City. My boss had a UNICEF midwife kit — essentially a tackle box with plastic, instruments and scissors — that she used to give information briefings. “Can I borrow it?” I asked one Xmas. And I lugged it home to Los Angeles. I planned to wrap it up and have my family guess what it was. To my shock and disappointment, my dad guessed. And, the guess-a-present tradition was born.

Over the years, the GUESS-A-PRESENT has been marinated shark jerky, space needle pasta, a chocolate banana slug, and silk worm cocoons that are used in Japan as exfoliants. One of my all time favorite items was camel nose plugs. You never know when you’ll need a pair.

Now, we have a GUESS-A-PRESENT at Thanksgiving as well as Xmas. We have cousins who come in just for Thanksgiving, and miss out on the Xmas eve fun. So, after seeing the disappointment on my cousin’s face, we now have our game at T-day as well. Playing is easy.

1) Choose the person to buy the crazy item. We say it needs to be under $10.
2) Wrap it up
3) After Xmas eve dinner, pass the box around the table giving each guest one yes or no question. (Really, you could play this game any time.)
4) The person who guesses correctly gets to keep the item. And, sometimes he or she brings the present next year.
5) have loads of laughs.

Now that my dad is gone, I have continued the tradition. But over the last few years my nephew has joined in the annual hunt for this crazy item. I shop for one holiday and he shops for the other one.

I have shared this game with clients, and friends and even on radios shows, so I know others have joined in the GUESS-A-PRESENT tradition. If you decide to try this, do email and let me know…. have fun. And, it all started with a UNICEF midwife kit.

Jill Raiguel, MFT, practices psychotherapy at Kohut Psychiatric Medical Group in San Bernardino, Ca, and has a private shamanic practice. Her new book, Alternative Healing Beyond Recovery will be out soon. Visit http://www.jillibean.com or jillraiguel@gmail.com.

BENEFITS OF BEING GRATEFUL – JILL RAIGUEL, MFT

I have so much to be grateful for. I am grateful to my family and friends, a home, a car that works and wonderful clients. But, only a few years ago I learned that having a daily gratitude practice has many profound benefits besides being a good idea. I try to remember when I start to worry or stress, to shift my thinking to being grateful. Research shows that being grateful three to five times a day strengthens your immune system. I notice that my body relaxes, my mood lifts and I’m more positive.

Dr. Christine Hibbert writes that people who actively practice being grateful are more loving, forgiving, and optimistic about the future. These people have fewer illnesses, better sleep, less depression and cope with life better.

Regularly, I suggest to my clients that they start a gratitude practice. That means saying out loud or writing down at least three to five times a day, you are grateful for ______. And I include telling my spouse, kids and friends you are grateful to them. You could say: Thank you for being my friend, being great, for putting up with me, for doing a good job, for your smile, for trusting me.

Years ago I was seeing a couple and their teenage kids. The kids complained that their parents criticized them all the time. I suggested to mom and dad, STOP criticizing for one week. At our next session, the difference was remarkable. Mom and dad were happier; the kids were smiling and laughing.

I’m not saying that a gratitude practice will fix all your problems, but it will shift your negative focus to being more positive. You may even notice it will improve your relationships with friends and family.

And Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family.

Jill Raiguel, MFT, psychotherapist at Kohut Psychiatric Medical Group, San Bernardino, Ca. and author of Alternative Healing Beyond Recovery for the Genius.